I have been out of my mind busy last two or so weeks--more then normal. Totally behind on all things, but thankful work is sweeping in + the cool days here are telling me that Fall has arrived.
I love to just hunker down and create during the Winter months (let's face it, this girl loves to work on design anything:)---so many cool projects..two new shapes for bags, round pillows that I am seriously in love with and more prints then I could ever print in 10 years. What to do with them all? I wish I had more time to just burn new screens daily so I can just see them instantly on fabric, wood, paper--what ever. Never enough time but so so thankful.
I have been missing my grandmother who moved to Arizona from here in Maine a lot lately and been finding myself sending her flowers randomly when ever I miss her more then I can bare. Her name is Vivian. I don't even know how long she has been gone. I think I blocked it out--I think it is 2 years now. Some how her voice smiling on the other end of the telephone as she tells me all about each individual flower, petal by petal, every delicious detail and color makes me a little less sad.
From the time I was a little girl she has been a beacon of light for me. Strong, nurturing and has these sweet gray blue eyes that melt your heart no matter what the circumstances. She just has this way about her that makes me smile, just miss that.
Because I knew somehow that it would be a long time before I saw her again, I talked her into doing a photoshoot with me and Cliff Kucine. (A dear dear friend who captures people amazingly)...I wanted a few shots of us just being together--no kids, no husbands or any other family member. Selfishly I wanted her all to myself...and I wanted to remember that moment. It was funny, as soon as I heard she was moving, I missed her...I was not ready for her to move, or move on or go anywhere for that matter. She moved here to Maine and was here 5 or so years and I loved it. I would visit often and she and I would sit and drink ice tea on her porch. As time went on I did not visit as often being so busy as we all get, but our time spent together was not wasted. We would chat it up for hours...
As a 30 something woman, I really didn't feel any different holding her hand from the many days as a little girl looking up into her eyes and laughing. You establish a bond between a grandparent..it changes you, fullfills you and makes you whole. Our walks talking would guide me, nurture me, mold me. God how I miss her. I haven't looked at these pics since she left and finally pulled out this glorious CD of images. I made her a book a few holidays back of all the great shots--but not until now have I really looked at them, or studied them, needing to see her eyes, the wrinkles, her soul. I just wanted or needed to look at them.
Pulling them out made me smile, laugh, remember, cry...but they have been good to see. Thank you so much Cliff for taking the time to capture these moments that I so needed to remember today.
I don't feel sad often, I rarely get unhappy...but missing someone is like a windy day where you can't seem to take a breath...where the constant pushing and pulling comes in waves then lingers... soon I will just get on a plane--solo if I have to (total wimp about traveling alone) just be close to her for a weekend to reconnect. Thank God for phones, but I miss her sweet smell of perfume and her laughing eyes by my side. Soon..soon we will drink tea and I will be mesmerized by her strength and beauty, and not while holding a piece of plastic, but holding her hand.